Final Thoughts
by kelles
Summary: Pip's thoughts about Seras and his feelings for her during the war. Spoilers for manga vol 7.Dark fluff. ONE SHOT. [C]


**Authors Notes:** Set in the mangaverse in volume 7. Manga spoilers.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hellsing.

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Most people say their life flashes before their eyes when they die, but that's not happening to me. I'm laying on the ground bleeding and my girl is crying her eyes out. All I can think about is her. I'm trying to remember when it happened. When did I fall in love with the police girl? I think it was that night, right before the war that I realized I loved her. Silly isn't it? The thought of me loving anything more then money… I would have laughed at the idea just a few months ago. I never cared much for the other girls I've been with and there have been many, probably too much. I was only interested on one thing from them, getting laid. Yeah I know that sounds awful and maybe I will go to hell one day but I never loved any of them. I'm not that bad of a guy though, not really. I always treated my girls well and they always knew just where they stood with me. I never lied or led them on. I may be a bastard but I'm not a fucking bastard. 

Most of the guys thought the boss was the beautiful one. They went on and on about the things they wanted to do to her. But, not me. Sure Integral Hellsing is beautiful but she's just not my type. To tell you the truth the minute I laid eyes on the police girl I only wanted her.

She sure didn't make things easy on me. I mean she threw me across the room with just her finger. If she didn't hurt me so much it probably would have turned me on. Well, to tell you the truth, it did. The dream I had that night about sparring with her ended up with me pinning her on the floor and… Anyway, I tried flirting with her but that only embarrassed the poor girl. She did look awfully cute when she blushed. Seras really got mad when I sang her dirty songs but I didn't stop. It was good for her. She was so timid when I met her. She needed my teasing; it helped make her strong.

We got closer over the next few weeks but we were really just friends. I think she was falling for me too but the girl was too afraid to do anything about it. She still got embarrassed when I flirted with her so I didn't push things. I knew she'd be mine in good time. On that trip to South America we talked quite a bit. I think that was when I started to fall for her.

But, the night when I realized it was a few nights before the war started. Integral came down to the shooting range and told us - my men, the police girl, and me to be ready to move. We would be going to war in a few days. Right away my men wanted to go into town. We always used to get drunk and laid before a battle. They asked me if I wanted to go. I wanted to but I couldn't, not with the look on her face. So it was just me and her, left all alone.

She continued to shoot trying not to let the news bother her. Seras was doing an awful job. She kept missing the targets. I almost laughed out loud. I could tell she was scared though. It was that moment that I knew I loved her. She tried so hard to be strong, to do her job, and not show any weakness. Underneath it all though, she was still just a girl. I promised myself right then and there that no matter what, I would protect her. She kept missing targets and glanced over at me, afraid that I'd see her mistakes. I smiled at her. She blushed and continued to shoot at the target.

I wanted things to be different. I wanted to take her to my room and make love to her. It's strange; I never use those words when I'm talking about sex. Why make it something romantic when it's not. I never loved any of the girls I shagged. But, with her it would've been different. It would've been more then sex and it would have been romantic too. I knew that was impossible and yet I had to touch her. I didn't know if any of us would survive the war. This might be my last chance.

I walked up to her, took the gun from her and held her hands in mine. I could see the fear in her eyes and I wanted to take it all away. "We'll be okay, Seras." I told her.

"I know. It is just---I don't know. I don't want to lose anyone. Before you came, we lost so many men. It was awful. I love all of the Geese; you included Captain. I don't want any of you to die." Seras said to me. I noticed her eyes were starting to fill with tears of blood.

"I can't say that won't happen, mignonette. We have to do this to protect London, save the innocents. If we're lucky and smart we'll survive. The world won't be worth living in if we don't defeat them. We don't have any choice." I knew that this was the moment to take her in my arms.

I pulled her against my chest. Holding all of those other girls had never felt like this. Her breasts were pressed up against my chest and it was starting to turn me on. I wanted to unbutton her shirt but I just held her. I wasn't going to mess up this moment by acting like I usually did. I stroked her hair and she hugged me harder. I don't think I ever wanted any girl more and I struggled to hold back. I was surprised when I felt her hands caress my back. I slipped my hands under her shirt and moved them up her back. Damn, her skin was really cool…and incredibly soft. I held her like that for at least an hour. Who knows what would've happened if we weren't interrupted just then.

"Excuse me." It was Walter.

We both looked up but I kept my arms around her, kept caressing her back. "Yes, Walter" I asked the butler.

"Sir Integral has requested your presence in her office. There have been some new developments."

"Okay, we'll be there in a minute." I told him.

"Very well, I'll tell Sir Integral that you're on your way. And Captain, Miss Victoria, I'm very sorry for the interruption. Sometimes these things have the worst sense of timing" Walter smiled at Seras and me. I had a feeling he was remembering something from his past.

After he left, I kissed Seras lightly on the lips. Now it wasn't a real kiss, that would have to wait. Just the kind of quick kiss sometimes parents give their kids. I knew if I had kissed her the way I wanted to, I wouldn't' have stopped. "We better go, girlie." I told her.

She punched me lightly in the arm. "I have a name you know. It is Seras Victoria. Please give me the proper respect and use it!" She practically screamed at me. I started to laugh. Nothing had change between me and the police girl.

Looking back on that night is what made up my mind. I'm going to ask her to drink my blood. I don't have a choice really. That vampire bitch and her men are coming. If Seras doesn't get strong somehow, she is going to die. I can't let that happen. That bitch is going to pay for taking my life and hurting her. I don't know what will happen to my soul - if I'll end up in heaven, hell, or somewhere in between. Nothing really matters though except making sure this girl survives.

I tell her to drink my blood so we can defeat them, save London and the innocents. And my girl, I'm so proud of her; she doesn't hesitate a bit. It feels kind of strange and yet wonderful at the same time. All I feel is ecstasy. This is better then sex. After awhile, the world goes black but only for a few seconds.

When I can see again, everything is amazingly clear. My eyes see things far away and I hear things that I shouldn't be able to. Damn it almost hurts. It takes me a minute but I finally realize - **I am inside of her now**. There wasn't time to think about it. The bitch that killed me is back. I can hear her footsteps. Seras and me are going to send her to hell.


End file.
